You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
