I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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