oh god the rape fog is back!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
