I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
