I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
