Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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