My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We are all done wearing pants today
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
