3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
