I just pynch a tree in the face
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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