I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
