NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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