And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
