nut hugger
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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