nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
