i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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