I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
