you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
