Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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