There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
