we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
