Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
