When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
