I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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