I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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