I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
