i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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