fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
