so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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