is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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