Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
