i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
