Please, let me fuck your mom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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