when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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