my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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