Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
