Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
