omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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