K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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