I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
