i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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