please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
