Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
