Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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