let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't turn off my feet"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
