I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i am craving dick and cupcakes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
