you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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