I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
