What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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