legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Someone signed my nipple.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
