apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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