I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
A bitchslap is in order.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
