I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
