I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
