know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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