the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
