new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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