he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
